


Strange Aeons

by Lunas_Secret_Lover



Series: The R'lyeh Chronicles [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Anal Sex, Gay Sex, M/M, Pining, Sex, Slash, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, South Park: The Stick of Truth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-04-23 10:15:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14330283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunas_Secret_Lover/pseuds/Lunas_Secret_Lover
Summary: (This work is the second book in a series but can be read as a stand alone)Craig and Kenny go on searching for information on their mysterious powers, all while trying to keep their relationships and pass high school.  The threat of Cthulhu looms darker than ever, casting a shadow on the summer before their senior year.Meanwhile, Kyle is just trying to sort through his feelings about a certain frenemy and get through finals while keeping his mom from starting a world war.  Life in South Park is never easy, but this year promises to be more challenging than anything they've faced before.





	1. Kyle

The doorbell rang. He thought it might, but that didn't stop the jolt of excitement from running down his arms as he opened the door. 

 

"Hey Cartman," he said, struggling to keep his voice casual.

 

"Hey Kahl," Cartman said in the shy uncertain way he had since this- whatever fucked up thing it was that they had- began. "What's going on?"

 

"Oh you know," he said with a shrug. "Parents are out. Ike's with a friend. So I'm just hanging out."

 

"Keww, kew," Cartman said, kicking at the welcome mat. "Well I was just in the area and I thought I'd come by and say hi."

 

"Where's Heidi?"

 

"Fuck if I know, dude. That bitch is always getting involved in something." He rolled his eyes. Kyle grinned despite himself.

 

"Do you want to come in?"

 

"Sure, that'd be kew." Cartman stepped in, closed the door and kicked off his shoes. They stared at each other for a minute, then Kyle leaped at him. His arms wrapped around Cartman's neck and their lips pressed together urgently. Cartman's tongue slipped into his mouth, massaging his, and his hand gripped Cartman's hair with a ferocity he forgot he had. Cartman yelped. "Careful, Kahl," he said, leaning out of the kiss. "Your Jew hands are going to pull out all my hair."

 

"Fuck off, fatass," Kyle muttered, pulling Cartman's face back to his. Their noses rubbed together as they frantically kissed, bodies pressed up against one another. Cartman's hands moved lower, gripping his ass, and Kyle felt another jolt rush through him. He moaned into Cartman's lips, and felt the other man smiling. He pulled back, frowning at his friend. "What?"

 

"Oh nothing," Cartman said in a sing-song voice. "It's just funny, Kahl, how totally desperate you are for this."

 

"Me?" Kyle asked. "What about you, showing up at my house almost every day this week?"

 

"That's only cus I know you need me," Cartman said. "You need this ass." Kyle rolled his eyes, but pulled Cartman up against his body anyways. He groped Cartman's muscled ass, feeling his blood rush to his cock. Cartman wasn't fat anymore. Not really. He had a layer of pudge, but his time playing football had toned him into Kyle's favorite body type.

 

"I don't need it," he growled. "Maybe I just like seeing you squirm." He gave Cartman's ass another firm squeeze. Cartman chuckled.

 

"Whatever. Stupid Jew." Kyle grabbed his hand and dragged him impatiently to his room. His family was gone, hopefully for a while, but it wouldn't do to have someone walk in on him balls deep in Cartman on the couch. By the time they got the door shut, Kyle had torn off half Cartman's clothes, leaving him shirtless. He could see goosebumps raising on Cartman's skin, as the colder air rushed over him. Kyle resisted the urge to run his fingers over the bumps. That was against the rules. Instead, he ripped off his own clothes and mounted Eric, pinning his arms to the bed as their lips met once more. Cartman pushed him away.

 

"Wait- isn't kissing when you're naked against your gay-ass rules?"

 

"They're not gay, Cartman, they're the only way I feel okay about this," he protested. A flush crept into his cheeks. "And yes. It's against the rules."

 

"Well then don't do it, Jew," Cartman said. Kyle felt the larger man's hand wrap around his cock and closed his eyes as Eric stroked him. "What about my mouth on your dick? Is that still against the rules?" Kyle nodded, a gasp escaping his throat as Cartman tightened his grip. "Are you suuuuure, Kahl? Think about how good it would feel."

 

"No," he said, strained. "No, not while you're with Heidi."

 

"Stupid arbitrary rules. Tom Brady breaks the rules and nothing bad ever happens to him," Cartman muttered under his breath, not letting go of Kyle's cock. Kyle groaned, gripping Cartman's wrist. He wasn't sure what it was about Cartman, he never had this problem when he was alone, but he always felt like he could cum after minutes of contact. He had on a few occasions, much to Cartman's glee.

 

"Take off your pants," he said, straining his leg muscles to regain control. Cartman gave him a wicked smile, like he knew exactly what the problem was, but he didn't speak, just pulled off his pants and boxers and threw them in a heap on the floor. He rolled onto his stomach, revealing his thick, muscular ass. Kyle ran his hands over it, giving it a few squeezes, before reaching for the bottle of lube on the side table. He slipped a finger gently into Cartman, who moaned lewdly. He gave a few thrusts, feeling Cartman's ass constrict around his finger, then he added another. 

 

"Fuck, Kyle," Cartman said, labored. Kyle began to thrust into him in rhythm, trying to reach his fingers up to hit Eric's prostate. Cartman gasped, and Kyle aimed for the spot again and again, his cock throbbing against his stomach, dying to be buried where his fingers were. "Fuck me, asshole! What the fuck are you waiting for?"

 

Kyle giggled. "Now who needs it?"

 

"I do, buttmunch, now put your cock in me," Cartman said, scowling. Kyle slowly took out his fingers and rubbed lube over his cock. He pushed the head up against Eric, aiming carefully, then slowly, inch by inch, let himself slip inside. Cartman swore, fingers white where they gripped the sheet. Kyle slipped in even further, grunting as he felt Cartman's tight hole clenching around him.

 

"Fuck," he said unevenly. "I don't think I'm going to last long."

 

"That's okay, just fuck me. Please," Cartman said, an edge of desperation in his tone. Kyle needed no more encouragement. He thrust himself in and out of Cartman, feeling the tight warmth of his ass, the soft skin of Cartman's back against his stomach. Cartman started to whimper. That was Kyle's favorite part, when he whimpered. He began rutting faster, harder against the bundle of nerves that loosed Cartman's mouth. "Yes, Kahl, fuck- right there, right there- fuck- I'm gunna cum."

 

Kyle slammed his cock in, his own release only seconds away as Eric let out a long moan, bucking his hips up to Kyle's cock like he was trying to get it even deeper. Kyle's thrusts became erratic, the spasming warmth around him pushing him over the edge. He groaned as he came, gripping Cartman's hips tightly enough to leave red marks. Cartman didn't complain. Kyle rolled off, grabbing his pants from the floor and slipping into them. Cartman lay sprawled on the bed, a blissful grin on his face. Kyle resisted the urge to curl up beside him.

 

"Happy now?" he asked instead, smirking as Cartman let out a sigh of contentment. 

 

"Not bad, Jew," he said. "Not bad at all. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were experienced."

 

"Thanks, Cartman," he said, surprised. Cartman was always less of a dick after he came. It was one of Kyle's most prominent theories that his bad temper was caused by perpetual horniness. "Do you want to play Overwatch or something?"

 

"I wish I could, Kahl," Cartman said, a hint of genuine regret in his voice. "But I promised the old ball and chain I'd do dinner at six. God she drives me crazy."

 

"Oh," Kyle said, nodding.

 

"Hey, don't be jealous," Cartman said, sitting up on the bed. "You know I like you more, right? Heidi's just good for all the girl shit. If I was gay, I'd totally break up with her for you."

 

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Yeah, dude, don't worry. I don't want to get in the way of your unimpeachable straightness."

 

"Right," Cartman said seriously. "I'm glad you understand, Kahl. I should get going." He sighed dramatically as he stood, stretching his arms above his head. The muscles in his stomach stood out, burning their way into Kyle's brain. He watched Cartman get dressed in silence, and walked him downstairs to the door.

"Have fun with Heidi," he said, managing to keep most of the bitterness from his voice.

 

"Thanks," Cartman said. "But we both know that's not going to happen. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"See ya, dude," Kyle said. He didn't look away until Cartman was halfway down the block. Sighing, he shut the door and started worrying about what he should do for dinner. Spring break was nearly over, and his parents were nearly back from their couples retreat. He'd enjoyed the silence. He'd enjoyed Cartman too, while that had lasted. No doubt it would be over now, now that break was over and they'd both have less time. Cartman would only have time for Heidi. He sighed morosely, deciding on mac and cheese again. He ate the leftovers cold out of the container while he watched Terrance and Philip, wishing that someone, not Cartman, just someone, was sitting beside him so he didn't have to laugh alone.

 

He waited for the bus the next morning next to Kenny. "What'd you do, dude?" Kyle asked. "Was Paris awesome?"

 

"It was okay," Kenny said. "Hard to find good Chinese food. What'd you do?"

 

"Not much," he said, annoyed at the mischief in Kenny's eyes. "Mostly just sat around playing video games."

 

"Is that what you're calling Cartman's dick?"

 

"Come on, Kenny," Kyle groaned. "I only told you because I had to tell someone. If you tell anyone you could get Cartman in trouble."

 

"Oh, Cartman told me too, dude," Kenny said. "You know him- he can't keep his mouth shut."

 

"Oh," Kyle said. He frowned. "Wait, what did he say about me?"

 

"I don't kiss and tell, dude," Kenny said, miming a locked key. The bus pulled up and they scrambled aboard, avoiding the lower classroom to take their seats in the back. They were some of the only seniors that still took the bus. Stan, Craig, and Cartman all had cars. He liked just having Kenny around, though.

 

"That stupid fatass," Kyle mumbled. "I can't believe he's running around telling everyone. It doesn't mean anything, Kenny, I swear to god. It's just fucking. Heidi never has to find out."

 

"Not like I'm gunna tell her," Kenny said. He ran a hand through his long blond hair. "Did you see the Broncos signed Marquette King? Token's gunna be pissed."

 

"Serves him right for being a fucking Raiders fan." The conversation devolved into football as they entered the school, and Kyle's heart gave a stupid little jump as his eyes landed on Cartman and Stan.

 

"Hey guys," Stan said, lifting a hand at him and Kenny. "How's it going?"

 

"I have a test I can't copy on this morning, so not great."

 

Cartman snickered. "That sucks, dude." He glanced at Kyle casually, giving him a nod. "'Sup, Jew?"

 

Kyle scowled at him. "What's up, fatass?"

 

"I'm not fat, I'm pleasantly plump," Cartman said. Kenny giggled, only stopping when Cartman shot him a glare. "How was your break, boner? Did you catch any AIDs in France?"

 

"Nope, just the batch I got from your mom before I left."

 

"AY!"

"What were you guys doing out there anyway?" Stan asked. Kyle glanced at Kenny, whose face went strangely blank.

 

"Oh just sight seeing and shit. It was cool. Craig has an Aunt out there."

 

"I didn't even know you guys were friends."

 

"Sure, dude, my boyfriend lives with him, doesn't he? We hang out."

 

"Heh, alright, gaywad, whatever you say."

 

~~

 

Craig was shooting him glances again. Kyle wasn't sure if Craig had a secret crush on him, or if he was just awkward, but it made for a distracted English class. As though he needed another distraction; Garrison made it dull enough already. He tried to ignore Craig, tuning in to Mr. Garrison's droning. 

 

"And that's why Todd had to kill the little kid riding a bike. Now, can anybody tell me why Jesse decided to leave the business?" Kyle stared at Mr. Garrison, watching the silence grow. "Anybody? What about you, Kyle?"

 

"Um. Because he hated Todd?" Mr. Garrison nodded, writing "Hated Todd" on the board under Jesse.

 

"That's good, Kyle. What else?" Kyle fell back into a daze, occasionally punctured by fits of trying to pay attention or noticing Craig staring at him. He had never been more relieved for the bell to ring. Kyle carefully wove through the crowd and pulled on Craig's arm. 

 

"Dude, what the fuck?" he asked.

 

"What." Craig looked around, confusion plastered to his face. Kyle rolled his eyes. 

 

"Why do you keep looking at me like I'm going to explode?"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Craig said in his usual even voice. 

 

"Oh come on, Craig. Don't be an asshole. Why are you staring at me?"

 

Craig blinked. "Is it true you're doing it with Cartman?"

 

Kyle felt his face turn hot. "Who told you that?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"Well no!" Kyle protested. "I'd never do it with Cartman. Sick, dude!"

 

"Okay," Craig said. He looked straight ahead and kept walking. Kyle felt his hands clench into fists.

 

"I'm serious, dude!"

 

"Okay," Craig said. 

 

"AH!" Kyle yelped in frustration. "Fine. I'm doing it with Cartman."

 

"I know," said Craig. 

 

"So what? What makes you stare at me?"

 

"I don't know," Craig said. He turned the corner, and this time, Kyle let him go, grinding his teeth in annoyance. He caught a few other kids staring at him throughout the day. How many people had Cartman told? Was he trying to let Heidi find out? Fuming he walked to math. At least Cartman couldn't bother him there. He resolved to break things off for good.


	2. Kenny

**Kenny**

Kenny died twice his first week back in school.  Once was understandable, since he couldn't really have avoided Jimbo's gun from his deer costume.  The second, though.  The second he should have stopped.  Getting eaten by a four-assed pterodactyl with a grudge?  That was straight out of his top five worst ways to die, bite by bite, fifty feet in the air, and in his underpants.  He was losing his touch, he really was.  Getting too old for the whole super hero thing.  He frowned up at his ceiling, phantom aches from his last life still throbbing.  In the bed across from him, Karen stirred, sitting up and staring at him sleepily under the fluorescent lights of SoDoSoPa.  

 

"It feels warm in here, Kenny," she whispered, eyes peering at him nervously through her curtain of bangs.  "Did you pay the heat?"

 

"No," he lied.  "Mom and dad must have gotten their shit together for once."

 

Karen gave him a forced smile like she didn't quite believe him, but all she said was, "Maybe."

 

"And it's warming up outside," he said.  "Soon we won't have to worry about that."

 

"Sure," Karen nodded, her smile becoming sleepier, more genuine.  "Night, Kenny," she whispered.  A shiver ran through him, the same shiver, the need to protect Karen, that he'd always had.  She looked so small there, when she was half-asleep.  Her voice sounded like it had when she was very young, breaking his name up into those two muddled syllables.  He watched her a few minutes longer, to make sure she was getting off to sleep alright, then he slipped out of bed and dressed.  The soft cadence of his parents' voices echoed down the hall, for once in lowered tones instead of shrieks, and the rhythm of SoDoSoPa pulsed through the floorboards.  The noise was dying down as drunk patrons stumbled out of the bars and headed softly back to their homes, their breath hanging in the air after them.  Kenny avoided the crowds.  He felt better in the shadows, watching the town shift to sleep around him.  

 

SoDoSoPa wouldn't be a problem area tonight.  It rarely was, only when the college kids decided to come slum it for a weekend.  No, it was the other side of town that left him frustrated.  He was only one person.  He could only do so much.  He climbed up a fire escape, carefully walking across the roof with his eyes peeled.  He hopped to the next building, his every nerve stood ready, waiting for stimuli, and once he reached City Walk, he found it.  A high pitched shriek called out from the alley, and Kenny ran towards it..  

 

"Oh please, Mr. Big Robber," a shadow yelled.  Kenny frowned.  He recognized that voice.  "You're not gunna rape me are you?"

 

"God no," a bigger shadow yelped, hint of disgust in his voice.  "Just give me your wallet and we can be done."

 

A beat, then, "...Well, you could rape me a little."  Kenny rolled his eyes, falling onto the robber from the roof.  He collided heavily, wrapping his hands around the man's throat as he fell to his knees, flailing as he tied to get Kenny off his back.  Kenny flipped him, slammed his head into the concrete until the man stopped struggling.  He heard the man spit, breathing heavily.  Above them, Mr. Garrison's voice called, "My hero."  Kenny fumbled in the man's pockets, grabbing a handful of wallets and shoving them into his pockets.  He stood, lifting the robber to his feet by the scruff of his neck, and made quick work of tying him up, dragging him to the edge of the alley before texting Officer Peterson.

 

_Delivery for you.  Mugger, got a few wallets.  Fair condition, handle with care._

The tied-up man grunted, and Kenny kicked him absently, turning to go.  "Wait- Mysterion?  Don't you want a reward for rescuing me?"  Mr. Garrison batted his eyelashes at Kenny, who carefully composed his face.

 

"The only reward I need is a safer South Park."  He dropped his smoke grenade, then bolted off towards the park.  He cruised the city for another two hours, encountering nothing worse than a homeless man on a park bench, who he ignored.  Around 2 a.m., he dropped the wallets off at the police station, then headed home to catch a few more precious hours of sleep before the bus arrived.

 

The house was louder now, he could hear them even from outside, yelling again.  His mother's voice had that strange timber to it, the one he now knew to associate with drunkenness or worse.  He sighed, adjusting his mask over his face before carefully stepping around the edge of the house.  He peered in his window first, and felt relief hit him as he saw Karen curled up in bed, her worn blankets wrapped tightly around her.  He kept going until he found his parents' window.  Making sure he couldn't be seen, he listened.

 

"Well maybe if my piece of trash husband could afford to pay the water bill on time instead of blowing all our money on crack-"

 

"You know god damn well you smoked as much of it as I did."

 

"Well it's gone now, ain't it?  No crack, no water-" Kenny cursed under his breath.  He thought he'd gotten all of the bills this month.  Foolishly he'd trusted his dad to pay the least expensive of the bunch. 

 

"Would you just enjoy your high and stop worryin', bitch?"

 

His mom gasped.  "Don't you call me a bitch, you asswipe.  It's thanks to me we're high at all."

 

Kenny had had enough.  He jimmied the window open and stood in the frame, glaring at his parents for what felt like hours before they noticed him.  Mrs. McCormick shrieked, grabbing her husband's arm in fear s she pointed at Kenny.  "So you stopped the drugs, did you?" Kenny asked, letting some of his anger slip through the mask.  "You paid your bills and kept your children warm like you promised?"

 

"We-we tried to, mister, honest," Mr. McCormick said, pushing his wife behind him.  "It's just-"

 

"I should kill both of you right now," he said in his best Mysterion voice, doing his best to puff out his chest and make himself look bigger.  His parents cringed and cowered as he knew they would.  "But I won't.  I'm going to give you one.  More.  Chance.  If you blow it, your kids are gone for good.  Do you understand?"

 

"Please, sir, please don't take my babies away," his mom sobbed.  Kenny frowned.  She only ever seemed to care about them when she was being threatened.  Still, he wasn't heartless.  It got to him.

 

"No more selling food stamps for money," he said, trying to channel Craig's easy evenness.  "You get food every week and make sure Karen has enough to eat."  Nods, frantic glances at one another.  That was good.  "Pay your bills before you blow all your money on crack or meth or whatever your drug of the month is.  This house was thirty degrees last week.  I'll be back to check on you.  If things haven't changed, I'm taking Karen away.  You'll never see her again."

 

"We-we'll change," Mr. McCormick said.  He looked like he was on the verge of tears.  Kenny's mother had collapsed onto the floor, hiccuping with sobs.  Kenny shot them both a last glare. 

 

"If you don't.  If any of your bills are late next month..."  He glared at them.  "Well you'll learn the true meaning of justice."  He hopped out the window, leaving the pair shaking with fear on the floor.  Anger still pumped through his veins.  He wanted to hit something, wanted to do anything that would cause some real sort of change in the real world.  But he breathed in deeply instead, removing his costume and throwing it in his backpack before returning to his room.  Karen sat on her bed, eyes wide and worried.  When she saw him, she jumped to her feet and ran into his arms.  He hugged her back, feeling her trembling despite the warmth of the room.

  
  
"Where were you?  I woke up and you weren't here.  I thought you'd left me."  He pulled back, staring into her eyes intently.

 

"I would never leave you here alone, Karen, okay?  Never.  I just had to take care of something."

 

"Okay," she said, still looking strained.  "Mom and dad were fighting again."

 

"I heard," Kenny said.  "It's going to be okay, Karen.  I'm going to apply for emancipation.  As soon as I turn seventeen.  And if I don't get it, we can move out once I turn eighteen.  I'm going to take care of us, okay?  I promise."

 

"Okay," Karen whispered.  She believed him.  He saw that.  Without question, she believed him because he was her strong older brother who'd always looked out for her.  He gave her a last hug, then pushed her towards her bed.  He pulled out the old, slow laptop Stan had given him last year and began to browse the Craigslist job boards.  If they were going to leave, he'd need something better than City Wok.

 

He met Kyle at the bus stop the next morning like always.  He'd begun to look forward to it.  Kyle was pretty cool when he wasn't around Cartman, not to mention as one of the few in town who knew Mysterion's identity, it was nice to talk to him.

 

"Hey dude," Kyle said, grinning as he approached.  "I saw Mysterion caught another mugger last night.  That's pretty cool."

 

"Yeah," Kenny said, allowing for the little rush of pride.  "He wins some he loses some.  Last night he got lucky."

 

"I'd say it's more than that."  Kyle looked at him with admiration, tinged with something else, something Kenny couldn't think about.  "Mysterion's kind of a badass."

 

"He's alright," Kenny agreed, grinning.  "So have you dumped Cartman yet?"

 

Kyle reddened, and looked up at the sky like he was waiting for an angel to come down and save him.  "I can't dump him because we aren't together," he mumbled.  Kenny hit his arm playfully.

 

"Well have you ended things, I mean.  I know you wanted to."

 

"I did," Kyle said, flush creeping down his face and onto his neck.  "I-I ran into complications."

 

"Complications?" Kenny asked, wiggling his eyebrows.  Kyle scowled.

 

"It's just not that easy, Kenny.  We have a lot of fun together.  And he's not always... well, you know-"

 

"A fat asshole?"

 

"Yeah." Kyle sighed.  "I'm going to end it though, really.  It's just-"  He flapped his hands in the air, searching for an excuse to grab onto.  He sighed in triumph, apparently finding it.  "It's just not the right time yet.  I need closure, you know?"

 

"Closure my ass," Kenny snorted.  "You need some hot tail that's not attached to Cartman.  What way you swinging these days?"

 

Kyle's face grew even redder, and Kenny's grin widened.  Kyle was the only one of his friends that was still this easy to embarrass.  "I'm really only swinging for Craig's team these days.  I-don't tell anyone, but I think I might be gay."

 

Kenny raised his hands to his cheeks in mock surprise.  "No.  Really?"

 

"Yeah, dude, I don't get turned on by girls at all anymore.  I don't get what the big deal is."

 

"Boobs," Kenny said wisely, nodding.  "Boobs are the big deal.  I could never give boobs up."  Kyle gave him a sidelong glance, and he hurried to add, "Looking at them, I mean.  I'm happily domesticated right now."

 

"Right, well, they don't do it for me."  Kyle shrugged.  "I guess I'm all about guys now."

 

"So are there any you want to stick it to?" 

 

"Sick, dude!"

 

"Oh sorry," Kenny amended, unable to keep the smile from his lips.  "I just assumed you were a top, since you're such a tightass."

 

"Hey!"

 

"Are there any guys you want to stick it to you?"

 

"No! There's just Cartman! That's the fucking problem!" The bus pulled up, and Kenny patted Kyle's shoulder reassuringly.  

 

"Don't worry, dude.  You'll get over it.   You're a catch.  Any guy would be lucky to have you, okay?  You don't need some fatass pathetic enough to cheat on his girlfriend."

 

Kyle gave him a shaky smile, and they got on the bus, taking their usual seats in the back, where no one could hear them.  Today, though, they sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts.  It took the bus screeching to a premature halt, Kenny's head hitting the seat in front of him, and someone's frightened yelp for Kenny to notice the monster in the middle of the road.


	3. Craig

**Craig**

Tweek had been acting strange lately, even for Tweek.  He was jumpier, especially on days Craig spent less time with him, but it was more than just that.  He seemed afraid, afraid that at any moment his boyfriend was going to get sucked back into the land of the Old Ones and disappear for good.  The worst part was that Craig had no answer for his fears.  Maybe he would get sucked back down to R'lyeh.  It had happened once already.  Tweek was antsy alright, and he had every right to be.  All Craig could do was try to stay patient, and spend as much time with Tweek as he could, hoping the fears would pass.  He mulled it over as he drove, his sister and Butters along for the ride.

 

"Jesus, Craig, watch where you're going," Tricia yelped, grabbing the steering wheel and yanking it away from the approaching car in the other lane.  The driver honked, and Tricia and Craig flipped him off together.  "What, you trying to get us killed?"

 

"Sorry," he said, glancing at the back seat where Butters sat without complaining, despite his shockingly white face.  "I was just thinking."

 

"If that's what happens when you think, don't make a habit of it," Trish grumbled, gripping the door.  Craig flipped her off, but even his finger lacked the energy it usually had.  They'd gone to Paris, risked their lives, and for what?  For nothing.  For a book mostly written in runes they couldn't read.  The few passages in English were spells and incantations, rituals of dark magic for visiting R'lyeh or giving strength to the Old Ones.  Craig had carefully removed those pages before handing the book off to the goth kids.  At least they seemed impressed with it.  He certainly wasn't.  

 

"You okay, Butters?" he asked.  Butters nodded, but his mouth stayed in a thin tight line.  

 

"Yeah, I'm okay, Craig.  I'm just thinkin' too, I guess."

 

'About what?" Tricia asked, twisting her body to look back at him.  Craig reminded himself to focus on the road.  

 

"Well- I, I just don't know what to do about Kenny," Butters said.  "I'm awful worried for him."

 

"Oh," Craig said.  He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.  "I'll talk to him tomorrow.  See if we can get him to stay with us for a bit."

 

"Mom won't be happy," Trish warned.

 

"Mom loves Kenny," Craig said.  "If she could trade me for Kenny, she would be so happy."

 

"He needs to get out of that house," Tricia said.  "Him and Karen.  For good."

 

"Well he's sure tryin', Butters said.  "He works at City Wok almost every day to save money.  Golly,  I bet one day, someday soon I'll betcha, he'll have enough for his own place.  He just needs the deposit money, ya see?  But he won't take any of mine."

 

"Probably won't take ours either," Tricia said, frowning at her phone.  Craig couldn't help but agree.  They faded to silence, and if Trish hadn't grabbed his arm, Craig would have hit the school bus in front of them that had screeched to a full stop.  Craig cursed loudly, heart racing.

 

"Everyone okay?" he asked.  Muffled approval answered him.  "I'm going to go see why this fuck face nearly killed us.  Stay here."  He shot a warning glance at Butters, then at Trish, neither of whom looked like they were up to moving.  He left them the keys, then walked towards the bus.  

 

"What's the idea?" he yelled at the driver through the glass door.  "You almost fucking got your students killed."  Then he paused.  The driver's eyes were wide and afraid, and he didn't seem capable of speech.  Instead he raised a shaking hand towards the road.  Craig turned slowly.  

 

"God.  Fucking.  Dammit," he muttered.  The thing was huge, huge and furry with pink fur and a long, elephant-like nose.  It stared at the bus of high schoolers blearily with huge black eyes, towering the height of the bus, and nearly spanning the width.  It looked like a cross between an elephant, a giraffe, and a fluff ball.  He took a tentative step towards it, and its long neck swiveled to get a look at him.  The beast's eyes were curious, and unafraid.  It cocked its head, and the motion was so human that Craig had to pause. He realized he'd cocked his head back at it.  "Uh," he said, gazing up at the thing.  "Hi.  Could you maybe move to the side of the road so we can get to school?"

 

The beast tossed its head, never taking its eyes off Craig.  Then, amazingly, it took a step towards him, then another.  He fought the urge to scramble backwards, instead staring it down as it took another slow, ungainly step, past him.  He breathed a sigh of relief.  It was still close enough to touch, but it kept going, little by little, until its whole body had cleared the road.  The thing gave Craig a long, slow, nod before tearing off into the neighborhood at a stunning speed.  He watched the pink blur disappear into the distance, avoiding the road and sticking to the yards and sidewalks.  

 

"Damn, dude, I didn't know you could control unicorns too," Kenny's cheerful voice called out.  Craig turned to look at him.

 

"I didn't try to control it or anything.  I just talked to it.  And it listened," he said, not really able to believe it himself.  "Weird shit, dude."

 

A crowd had gathered behind him, Butters and Tricia in the forefront.  Kenny put an elbow on his shoulder and leaned into him casually.  "You gave everybody quite the show,  _furry one,_ " Kenny said.  Craig flipped him off, ignoring his cackle as he trudged back to his car.  His hand was on the handle when he heard the siren, and Officer Barbrady's car pulled up beside his.  He rolled his eyes as the cop stepped cautiously out of his car, his hand already on his gun.

 

"Alright, people, move along.  Nothing to see here," he said, waving at the kids from the bus.  Kenny gave him a wave before filing back into the bus with the other students.  The bus started forward, stopped suddenly as though the driver was having second thoughts, then continued onward.  Barbrady turned to Craig.  "Now, what seems to be the problem?" 

 

"Nothing," Craig said, rolling his eyes.  Officer Barbrady raised an eyebrow and looked at Butters, who stood shuffling from foot to foot, hands in his pockets.

 

"Aw, well, gee, officer," Butters said, eyes downcast.  "We was just minding our own business, driving to school, when all of a sudden a huge pink elephant walked in front of the bus! So Craig stopped, ya see, to see what was going on, and it was just the darndest thing.  Craig went up to the elephant and they talked for a little while.  Then the elephant just walks off the road casual as goin' to church.  I, well, I sure as heck never saw an elephant do anything like that before.  I think Craig might have scared him a little."

 

Officer Barbrady glanced between the three of them, his mouth hanging open.  He clamped it shut with a notable click, then cleared his throat.  "Have you boys been smoking drugs?"

 

"Oh, no sir, I'd never smoke drugs, sir.  Drugs are bad," Butters said frowning.  Craig rolled his eyes.

 

"No, officer.  We haven't done drugs.  Everyone on the bus saw it too," Tricia said adamantly.  "And the bus driver.  Ask any of them."

 

"Well, I don't see a bus driver around here," Barbrady said.  Craig opened his mouth, but shut it as Tricia's foot stomped on his.  "I guess I'll just have to take you to see your counselor.  I think you need a lesson on what's good and bad.  Why don't you hop in my cruiser?"

 

"What about my car?" Craig asked.  Barbrady cupped his chin in his hand, looking puzzled.

 

"Young lady, can you drive that car back to this boy's home?"  

 

"Well, I don't have my license yet, but-"

 

"That's okay.  Just make sure the car gets home.  I have to take these boys in to see the counselor."  Tricia shrugged at Craig, hopping in the car before Barbrady could change his mind.  Craig put a hand on Butters' shoulder as they made their way to the back of the police car.  

 

"Aw man," Butters said sadly.  "I guess I'm gunna get grounded again."

 

"For once, you're probably right," Craig said.  They spent the ride to the school in silence, broken occasionally by Barbrady warning them of the dangers of drugs.  He led them into the school past their staring classmates.  Craig kept his middle finger up, daring anyone to stare for too long.  By the time they reached Mackey's office, Butters was shaking.  The counselor was waiting for them.  Had Barbrady actually called ahead?  
  


"Mmmkay, hello, Officer Barbrady.  Hello boys.  Why don't you step into my office?"  Craig put his hand on Butters' elbow, steadying him and very badly that Tweek or Kenny was there.  They were both good at the comforting thing.  He was not.  "I'll take it from here, mkay?"

 

"Okay.  No more drugs, boys, or I'll be forced to take you into the station."  Craig rolled his eyes.  Mackey closed the door and took a seat t his desk, folding his fingers together.

 

"Mmkay.  Now why don't you boys tell me what happened?  Officer Barbrady said you were smokin' some marijuana?  Uh, marijuana's bad, mkay?"

 

"Ah geez.  We weren't smokin' marijuana, sir, honest," Butters said, a few tears escaping his eyes.  "We just had to stop the car so we didn't hit the bus.  Ask the bus driver!  He had to stop so he didn't hit the pink elephant."

 

Mr. Mackey looked at Butters skeptically.  "Umm, Butters, mkay.  There are no such things as pink elephants.  That was all in your head?  Mmkay, because of the marijuana?  Marijuana can cause visual and auditory hallucinations, mkay?  What you think you saw wasn't real."

 

"I saw it too," Craig said.  Butters shot him a grateful look.  "It might not have been an elephant.  But it kind of looked like one.  Twenty people saw it."

 

"Mmmmkay, Craig?  What you experienced was part of a group hallucination, mkay?  Most likely due to all the marijuana.  Mr. Gutierrez has been placed on paid leave, mkay.   Pending investigation of the incident."

 

"So you really think it's more likely that thirty people smoked marijuana together and hallucinated a pink elephant crossing a road, all at the same time, than there actually being one?  Have you ever smoked marijuana?" Craig asked, and of its own accord, his left hand flashed a middle finger at Mackey for a split second.

 

"No, I- Did you just flip me off?"

 

"No."

 

"Craig, mkay." Mr. Mackey rubbed his forehead, grimacing.  "Flippin' people the bird is bad.  Mkay?  Now here's what I'm going to do, mkay?  Butters, you'll be in detention for a week, since you've never done anything like smoke marijuana here before.  And I understand you're living with Craig's family?"

 

"That's right," Butters said.  

 

"Well then I'm afraid I'm going to have to call Craig's parents and talk to them about both of you, mkay?  Because marijuana, marijuana's bad, mkay?  You shouldn't do marijuana."  He nodded at them, shuffling papers around on his desk.  Butters' eyes were wide, terrified, and Craig wanted to tell him that it wouldn't be as bad as he feared.  Craig's parents wouldn't refuse to feed them for something like smoking marijuana, and his dad had never laid a hand on Craig or Trish in his life, but he didn't want to make things worse with Mackey.  "Butters, you can go to class, now, mkay?  I need to talk to Craig alone."

 

Butters scurried off, eyes still wet with tears.  Craig met Mackey's gaze evenly.  "What."

 

"Well, Craig, mkay.  You seem to have a few bad habits.  You like to do drugs, mkay?  You like to smoke marijuana.  Drugs are bad, mkay?  And givin' people the middle finger is bad too.  You're a good kid, mkay, but some of these behaviours- they're bad.  So I'm going to assign you an accountabilibuddy.  Mkay?  Someone who's never had any problems with drugs before.  And you'll study with them twice a week until you graduate, mkay?"

 

"Who?"

 

"Well," Mr. Mackey said, shuffling through his papers again.  "Well- it looks like your options right now are Wendy Testaburger or Clyde Donovan, mkay?"  Craig fought back a grin.

 

"Clyde," he said.  Mr. Mackey frowned.

 

"Mkay, well I'll talk to Clyde today and I'm thinking you boys can get started right away.  Thanks for your cooperation, mkay?  And I want you to remember, next time someone tries to offer you a marijuana cigarette, mkay?  Just remember, drugs are bad."

 

"Mkay," he said.

 

"Mkay," Mackey said, faintest hint of a smile on his lips.  Craig left the office before anything more horrible than studying with his best friend could happen.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Kyle

Kyle reached over, just a hair too fast, as his phone buzzed.  He took a deep breath and counted down ten seconds before looking at the screen, cursing himself for not being able to wait longer.  His heart gave a little leap as he saw the text.

 

_Hey Jew.  Get your jewass over nya moms gone._

He took in another huge gulp of air, held it, then released it, counting down from ten again.  It wasn't much.  It really wasn't.  But it let him pretend he had some control over the situation, like he wasn't ruled by his hormones at every turn.  His phone buzzed again.

 

_Kyyyyle._

 

He grinned.  At least he wasn't the only one.  He thumbed out a text, slipping his feet into shoes as he did.  He sent it, grabbed his jacket, and thudded down the stairs.

 

"Where are you going, bubula?" his mom called from the kitchen.  

 

"Cartman's," he said, gasping from the stairs.  "Going to tutor him in math."

 

"Well isn't that sweet?  Take your brother."

 

"No, mom, come on!  Ike doesn't know anything about calculus."

 

"Oh, nonsense.  He's very smart.  Plus he's been driving me crazy and I want him out of the house."

 

Kyle sighed.  "Can't you send him to Filmore's place?"

 

"That would be fine."  she disappeared back into the kitchen, her hair wobbling as she moved.  Kyle rolled his eyes and slipped out the door before anyone else could try to rope him into something.  He walked down the street, using a considerable amount of effort to keep himself from breaking into a run.  Finally, finally, he reached Cartman's front door.  He waited a few moments to catch his breath, then rang the doorbell.  A second or two later, it opened, revealing a shirtless Cartman.

 

"Well, well, well," he said, smirking.  "I knew you couldn't stay away, Kahl.  I knew you'd be back."

 

"Shut up, fatass," Kyle mumbled.  "We've just got to stick to the rules this time."

 

"The rules, right," Cartman said, raising an eyebrow.  He made no effort to move from the doorway, so Kyle stood on the porch, glaring at him.  "And what are those again, Kahl?"

 

"You know."

  
"No, no I'm afraid I don't, because there are so many and they don't make sense.  Tell me the rules."

 

Kyle rolled his eyes, glancing around to make sure that no one he knew was walking down the street.  "No kissing, no cuddling, no oral, no naked hanging out.  Just sex.  And you can't fuck me."

 

"No kissing at all now, hmm, Kahl?"

 

"No," he said, scowling at Cartman.  "Too intimate."

 

"Well alright, Kahl, but I want you to know you're missing out.  I'm pretty fun to hang out with naked."  Finally, he moved out of the door frame, and Kyle stalked in, closing the door before Cartman could get any ideas.  They stared at each other for a minute, each glaring.  Cartman blinked first, looking away.  "So do you want to come up to my room or not?"

 

Kyle didn't answer, but he followed Cartman up the stairs, still fuming.  He had half a mind to leave, but he knew he wouldn't.  He'd been waiting for this.  Cartman had been busy with Heidi all week, and Kyle's stupid cousin was staying with his family, so they hadn't found time to fuck.  Kyle was aching for it.  Cartman's ass wiggled in front of him on the way up the stairs, and on impulse, Kyle reached out and gave it a tight squeeze.  Cartman smirked at him over his shoulder, but kept his mouth shut until they reached his room.

 

"You seem to be exhibiting more aggression than usual, Kahl, have I done something to upset you?" Cartman asked, sitting at his desk with an innocent smile on his face.

 

"Just- get over here, asshole," Kyle mumbled.  Cartman didn't complain; he stood and crushed Kyle into his grasp.  A kind of anger that Kyle had never felt before filled him.  It wasn't anger at Cartman, not exactly, anyways, but he hugged Cartman back, lifting his face up to meet Cartman's.  Before he could stop himself, he had let his lips meet Cartman's, He wasn't gentle, his lips moved roughly against the other boy's taking what he needed without a care for Heidi or the rules, but Cartman pulled him back with a chuckle.

 

"I knew you'd do this, Jew.  You always do this.  But," he shrugged, an evil gleam in his eyes.  "You get to make the rules, Kahl, but I'll be enforcing them from now on."  Kyle frowned.

 

"Fine, fatass, whatever, just-"

 

"Would you like me to bend over for you, Kahl?  Looks like all foreplay options but a dry tugger are off the menu, and I don't feel like getting my weiner ripped off today."  Kyle felt the blood rising to his head.

  
"Look, Cartman, this isn't my fault.  You're the one with the fucking girlfriend-"

 

"And I'm not asking you to marry me, Kahl, I just thought it'd be nice if we could have better sex," Cartman said.

 

"Break up with Heidi, and maybe then we can," Kyle said, crossing his arms. 

 

"I'm not going to DO that, Jew," Cartman said in a frustrated voice.  "I told you I'm not gay.  I just think you should take me out to dinner or something first if I'm gunna get FUCKED."

 

"Fine!" Kyle yelled, storming down the stairs.  He didn't look back, afraid that if he looked back he'd cave, and he slammed the door behind him loud enough for those walking on the sidewalks to look up.  He stormed home, ignoring his mothers questions, escaping to his room.  Cartman, he decided, was the most infuriating person he'd ever met.  He walked to Kenny's, not sure what else to do with his afternoon.  As the dilapidated shack came in to view, Kyle wondered again how Kenny could live in such a place.  There was no insulation, and junk lay about the entire yard.  A group of three kids a little older than Kyle stared at him from the railroad tracks, smoking cigarettes and staring at him warily.  Kyle frowned, trying to ignore them as he walked to Kenny's front door and knocked.

 

A scuffled ensued behind the door, and the sound carried through the thin walls.

 

"Hide the needles too, you piece of trash."

 

"I'm working on it, bitch.  Karen, put the dried leaves under the bed."  Kenny's face appeared in the window, then disappeared again.

 

"It's okay, guys, it's just Kyle," Kenny said in a muffled voice, opening the door.  "Hey dude."

 

"Hey Kenny," he said, trying to keep his emotions off of his face.  "Can I come in?"

 

"Yeah," Kenny said, beckoning him in.  Mrs. McKormick was frozen with a bong in her hand and a guilty expression on her face.

 

"Well hello, Kyle," she said, hurrying off to the kitchen.  Kenny led him past Karen, who was shivering on the couch, wrapped in a coat and a thin, ragged blanket.  She waved at Kyle, who waved back, uncomfortably realizing how thin she was, how her eyes darted around constantly like she was looking for an escape.  He sat on Kenny's bed as Kenny shut the door after them.  

 

"You okay, Kyle?" Kenny asked, sitting on his sister's bed across from Kyle.

 

"I don't know, dude," Kyle admitted.  He stared at his fingers tapping together.  "It's Cartman."

 

Kenny nodded.  "When isn't it Cartman with you?"

 

"It's just like-" Kyle started.  Then he stopped, thinking.  "He's just such a fucking asshole."

 

"I know, dude.  Everybody knows that."

 

"But like.  Sometimes he's not.  Sometimes I feel like there's something deeper to him.  And I think I've gotten close to it."

 

"Yeah I don't know about that," Kenny said, texting furiously.  He put down his phone and looked at Kyle.  "I think you're seeing what you want to see, man.  Cartman's got a lot of good qualities but he's never going to make a good boyfriend and I think you know that.  Why do you keep hanging out with him?  He's not going to leave Heidi."

 

"I know," Kyle said.  He sighed.  "But-"

 

"No butts, dude.  You've got to stop seeing him or you'll be pining forever."

 

"But that's the thing, Kenny.  I don't think I can stop seeing him.  I tried."  Kenny burst out laughing, slapping his knees and tearing up.  Kyle scowled.  "What?"

 

"You stopped seeing him," Kenny gasped through giggles.  "For like a day.  You couldn't even stop seeing him for a day."

 

"Oh fuck you, Kenny."

 

"You're in love with Eric Cartman.  Is that not a little ironic to you?"  
  


Kyle exhaled, hands balling into fists.  "I'm not in love with him.  I just like fucking him."  
  


"Uh huh," Kenny wheezed, gripping his stomach.  "Oh my god, it's so funny."  Kyle pouted, watching Kenny and waiting for him to stop laughing.  But he didn't stop.  His laughs grew larger and larger, until he was doubled over on the bed sobbing with laughter.  "Can't- Breathe-" he said, laughing even harder.  He convulsed, laughing silently, then began to struggle for air, gripping his throat.  Kyle watched in consternation as Kenny clawed at the air, then fell over.

 

"Oh my god!" a voice from outside called.  "You killed Kenny!"

 

"Yup," Kyle said flatly.  "I'm a bastard."  He stepped out of the threadbare room, waving once more to the tiny girl on the couch, then made his way back home, contemplating two things he never thought could go together: love and Eric Cartman.


	5. Kenny

Kenny  
Kenny sat with the goth kids at their usual perch on the steps behind the gym, glaring at the book that sat open between them. It had turned out to be mostly useless. A few spells were written in English, and they all agreed they needed to try them at some point, but the majority of the book was in Aramaic or some other long-lost language none of them read. Still, every Monday he ditched his last class and sat with Henrietta and Pete, trying to uncover what the hell any of it meant. He'd ordered a huge book off Amazon with Craig, one that promised to translate Aramaic to English, but it wasn't like either of them had prime, and it shipped from England so there were probably weeks left to wait. For now, they could only stare at the illustrations and try to make sense of them.

 

"I think this guy's got a boner," Pete said, pointing to a man in an Egyptian-like drawing with something sticking from his groin.

 

"Yeah, either that's a shabti in his pocket or he's happy to see us," Kenny quipped. Pete gave him a courtesy laugh. Henrietta rolled her eyes. "What's he doing?"

 

"He's either about to sacrifice that bitch or he's about to give it to her," Henrietta said, taking a long drag from her cigarette. "I can't tell which is more likely." She flipped the page, which had a spell in English. Kenny read the description.

 

"'A Spell that gives one another life.'" The goth kids chuckled darkly.

 

"As if I need another fifty years of boredom and pain," Pete said. "One life is already too much suffering."

 

"Yeah," Henrietta said, blowing a smoke ring at Kenny. He waved it away.

 

"Do you think it works?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual. Maybe this book was the key to his immortality. If his idiot parents had accidentally come across the book. But this wasn't a case of one extra life. It hadn't been this spell. Henrietta shrugged.

 

"What else does it say?"

 

"'Near the end of a loved one's life, perform the sacrifice by slitting their throat over a blood stone under a full moon. Sprinkle body with herbs, then burn. The sacrifice shall be born again within the moon's life.' How about we don't try that one out?"

 

"Maybe not," Pete agreed. They flipped through the book for the rest of the afternoon, until Kenny had to leave for work. He handed the book carefully to Henrietta, giving them both a wave.

 

"Same time next week?"

 

"Yeah, okay," Henrietta said, running a hand through her hair. "If something from the void hasn't snatched us up by then."

 

She sounded way too hopeful, Kenny thought. He grabbed his bike and peddled as quickly as he could down to City Wok, earning a few justified honks from cars as he cut them off. Lu Kim stood at the door waving at him, his front two teeth sticking comically out of his mouth.

 

"Herro, child rabor force," he said in his typically cheery voice. "Take a broom, preez. Lot of cleaning today. Big party group come a by today. Very good for a business."

 

"Hi Mr. Kim," Kenny said, grinning. Of all the kids who had started out working for the fake Chinese man, only Kenny remained, and though he wasn't technically a child anymore, and Lu Kim paid him the required minimum wage, plus tips, Mr. Kim would always call him "chird raba force." "We have a group today? That's sweet, boss!"

 

"Yeah, big shitty group come in from a Denver," his boss said, his eyes squinted into racist lines. Kenny still wasn't sure why he pretended to be Chinese, but he desperately needed the money, if his plan was going to work, and Mr. Kim treated him well. "Still here, inside. We treat a them very good, and they tip you werr. Okay?"

. 

"Okay!" Kenny said. He threw his apron on and started mopping, grinning at the Denver kids as he recognized two boys that he'd gone to school with the year before. "Hey, Bill."

 

"Kenny! My man," Bill said, standing to pull him into an awkward bro half-hug. "How are ya, bro? I haven't seen you in forever!"

 

"I thought you were going to be a senior this year," Kenny said.

 

"Nah, bro, high school just wasn't the way for me, ya know? I didn't see the point in finishing it up. I got my GED and I make 40 kay a year in construction. How long ya got left?"

 

"Wow," Kenny said. "That's cool, dude. I'm a senior in the fall."

 

"Right on, bro, good luck with your studies." He clapped Kenny on the shoulder, returning to his friends. Kenny finished mopping, and returned the mop to the back room. He'd thought about it before, of course, but he'd always thought he'd end up as poor as his family if he dropped out of high school to work full time. Forty thousand dollars was an unbelievable sum of money. It was enough to get him and Karen into a two bedroom apartment and then some. 

 

He thought about it the rest of the night as he waited tables, talking to Bill and his friends when he got the chance, cleaning off the tables and conducting a modest amount of money laundering for Mr. Kim once they closed. Even as he changed into his Mysterion costume and stashed his backpack behind a dumpster, he thought about it. He ran across rooftops, scouring the city for crime. The night was quiet. Almost too quiet. He called it quits around two in the morning, running home to sleep. Even in his dreams, he dreamed of living with his sister, independent and free. It was so soon. So close. Even closer, if he dropped out after this year. He frowned, letting himself drift to sleep. He awoke to a phone call around seven, rubbing his eyes as he saw "Butters <3" pop onto the screen.

 

"Hey Butters," he said sleepily, pushing the dreams from his mind..

 

"Well, hey Kenny," Butters said in that warm voice that melted his heart. "I-I was just wondering if we could see each other today. I was talking to Mrs. Tucker, see, and she said you were welcome to come over, provided we keep the doors open, and what not, if you want to, that is."

 

"Yeah, Butters, I want to," he said, yawning. A rush of guilt hit him. He'd been neglecting his boyfriend lately, and the worst part was that he knew it. He just had so much else to worry about, so many problems that demanded his attention, that Butters had began to seem like his reward for doing everything else. He didn't deserve rewards often. "Let's do it. How's after school?"

 

"Well, after school would work just great, Kenny. And I'm sure Craig won't mind giving you a ride. I'll ask him about it, you betcha. I can't wait to see you."

 

"Me either, Butters," Kenny said honestly. He'd cancel work, say he was sick. If he quit school, even temporarily, he'd have time for Butters. He'd have time to make money, time to keep Karen safe and warm. Think about it, a part of his mind urged him. He would. He wouldn't be rash enough to make any decisions yet. He got ready for school, making a mental note to ask Craig to ask Tweek to bring coffee. He and Karen walked to the bus stop together, only parting when Kyle arrived.

 

Kenny made it through the day in a daze. Weekends were the worst, crimewise, so he had gotten hardly any sleep in the past three days. Tweek's coffee kept him in a semi-conscious state where he truly believed he was paying attention in his classes, but when the day was done, he remembered nothing, and his notes were full of doodles and indecipherable scribbled lines. He trudged to meet Craig and Butters by Craig's car, forcing energy into his exhausted limbs.

 

"Hey baby," he said, puling Butters by his waist into a long kiss. Craig stared at them neutrally. "Thanks for the ride, Craig."

 

"Sure, dude," Craig said. "Trish has soccer, so anyone who can keep Butters company while I drive is welcome."

 

"Heh,, yeah," Butters muttered against Kenny's chest. "Craig gets awful sore at me when I talk too much and he's driving. When Tricia's here, well, she can keep me busy, but otherwise I'm quite a nuisance."

 

"No," Craig said, staring at Butters with something nearly fondness. "I just ignore him and he gets his feelings hurt when no one talks back." Kenny grinned, hopping into the back seat. Butters followed, sitting in the middle seat and laying his head on Kenny’s shoulder.

“Does this car look like a taxi?” Craig asked, frowning mildly at them.

“If you don't shave that beard soon you'll look like a taxi driver.” Craig flipped him off, but started the car. Kenny counted it as a win. He stroked Butters’ hair, letting himself relax for the first time all day. His eyes slipped closed, and with effort he forced them back open.

“Have you seen the unicorn again?” he asked them.

“Not since last week,” Butters replied. “Boy, though, I bet if he don't want to be found, he won't be found.”

“I bet he's in the woods by Stark’s Pond,” Craig said. “It's the only place in South Park with food and water for him.”

“What makes you think he's still in South Park?”

Craig glanced at him through the rear-view mirror. “Do you really think it's not? I wish we could be so lucky.” Kenny’s eyes slipped shut again, and his head nodded on top of Butters’.

“I like the unicorn,” Butters said. “He must be awful lonely out here. Away from his own kind. Maybe we should try and find him.”

“Good idea, Butters,” Kenny mumbled. He let Butters chatter on the rest of the car ride, comfortable and warm. He jerked awake when the car stopped, not realizing he'd fallen asleep. He wiped a sliver of drool from his mouth, hoping Butters hadn’t noticed as they trekked inside.

“Hey mom,” Craig called into the kitchen. “Kenny came home with us.”

Mrs. Tucker stepped into the room, a warm smile on her face. “Kenny, it's been a while! We've missed you around here.”

“I've missed you too, Mrs. Tucker,” he said, strangely touched. “You look great. Did you get a haircut?”

She touched her hair, smile widening. “Why, yes I did. You’re the first one to notice.” She shot a look at Craig, who flipped her off. “Would you boys like some brownies? They just came out of the oven.”

“Well boy, would we!” Butters chirped. They followed her into the kitchen, grabbed some brownies and sat back on the couch. Kenny slowly raised the chocolate square to his mouth. He couldn't remember the last time he had a brownie. He was going to savour this. The first bite was pure heaven, still warm and soft, dissolving into chocolate in his mouth. He tried to slow down, but in less than a minute the whole thing was gone.

“You can have more, you know,” Craig said, not meeting his eyes. “Get some fat on your skinny ass.”

“Thanks, dude,” Kenny said. He returned to the kitchen, carefully wrapping a square in a napkin for Karen. He slipped it into his backpack, hoping no one would notice.

As soon as they were able, Butters and Kenny snuck down to the basement. Butters grabbed the front of his shirt, nearly attacking him with his lips. Kenny chuckled, feeling his tiredness retreat as something else grew. 

“Calm down,” he said, grinning. “We've got all night.”

“Sorry. I guess I just really missed you, is all,” Butters said, kissing his cheek, then more gently bringing their lips together again. He sighed against Kenny, a soft sweet sound that sent shivers down to Kenny’s toes.

“I missed you too,” Kenny whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss. “But we should be quiet. Mrs. Tucker is right upstairs.”

“Sorry,” Butters said, pulling Kenny towards the bed. 

“You want to be on top or bottom today?” Kenny asked.

“Well, uh, if it's okay with you can I top?”

Kenny sighed in relief. He hadn't been sure he had the energy. “Sure, Butters.” He sat on the bed, pulling Butters with him. They removed each other's clothes swiftly, exploring each other's bodies for the first time in a week. Kenny smiled as his hand reached Butters’ cock, already hard and ready for him. He got on his knees and slowly licked the head of his lover’s dick, feeling a shudder run down Butters’ whole body. His lips rounded, taking more cock into his mouth as Butters let out a low moan. Kenny felt himself grow even harder. He added a hand, jerking Butters off as blew him.

Kenny took pride in his deep throating skills. Despite how long Butters was, and how surprisingly thick, Kenny could fit him all in, no problem. He hummed happily as he felt Butters thrust up into the back of his throat in time with Kenny’s rhythm. 

“Stop,” Butters said breathily, grabbing Kenny’s hair. He pulled back, worriedly. 

“What's wrong?”

Butters graced him with a bashful smile. “Oh, nothin’. Just don't want to embarrass myself, finish too early.”

“Oh, well, come on, then,” Kenny said, pulling himself onto the bed. “Fuck me.”

Butters turned bright red at the words, cock twitching in approval. He dug around in his side table, pulling out a bottle of lube. He shook it, then gently squeezed it until a few drops spilled into his hand. Kenny lay on his back, spreading his legs to hurry things up. Butters’ eyes turned black when he looked, and before Kenny knew it, he was scrambling towards him, grabbing his thigh as he pushed his cock into Kenny. Kenny moaned as Butters fucked him with jolting, eager thrusts. He reached his hand to his cock, pulling at it as Butters pounded his ass, letting out soft moans. He had to let go as Butters pulled him in closer, pushing their chests against one another, Butters’ stomach brushing his cock with each thrust.

“Kenny,” Butters gasped, his thrusts growing more erratic. Kenny felt the familiar building in his stomach, the growing pleasure of penetration filling him. “Gunna-gunna finish.”

“Cum for me,” Kenny said, wrapping his legs around Butters’ body. Butters moaned loudly, pistoning himself into Kenny as they came together, Kenny spilling his seed all over his friend's stomach. He smiled, entirely content in a safe house with the boy he loved on top of him. His eyes closed, and this time he didn't try to stop them. The bed was too comfortable, Butters too warm. He drifted off to sleep.

Karen. The thought was enough to snap he back to consciousness and he bolted up in bed. Butters looked over from his desk.

“What's wrong, Kenny?”

“I have to go home,” he said reluctantly. “Karen will be worried.” 

“No, no, it's okay,” Butters said, sitting at the edge of the bed. “I called her and told her you were stayin’ the night. It's late, Ken. Go on, go to sleep.” Butters curled up next to him, his skin all the reassurance Kenny needed.


	6. Craig

**Craig**

 

Craig stared at Tweek, willing him to turn around, to at least  _look_ at him, but Tweek stared straight ahead.  They both sat at the edge of his bed, space between them, not even looking at each other.  Craig feared the worst.  He had been busy lately, he knew that.  Not spending enough time with Tweek, with the love of his life who he was about to lose because of his poor time management skills.

 

"Just say it," he said, voice cold and flat.  Tweek twitched and pulled at his hair.  He sighed, slowly turning to face Craig.

 

"I-I-AH!"  Tweek paused, rubbing his hands on his face.  Craig fought back the urge to take Tweek into his arms.   Tweek's eyes were red-rimmed, and tears welled just below the surface.  "I think we need to-AH!"  Craig tapped his foot against the floor, ready to hear the words that would shatter his life.  "We need to go back to Paris."

 

"What," Craig said.

 

"We-AH! I know it sucks dude, but I can't help feeling like we missed something in the catacombs."  He stared at Craig, his eyes huge and worried.  Craig stared at him, wide-eyed.  Then before he could stop himself he was laughing, huge shaking gasps wracking him, closer to sobs than true laughter.  When he could, he wiped his eyes and looked at Tweek, who stared at him, nonplussed.  "It's not funny, dude, I'm serious."

 

"Okay," Craig said, getting himself under control.  He reached out and took Tweek's hand.  The smaller boy didn't pull away, and Craig heaved an audible sigh of relief.  "I thought you were going to break up with me."

 

"WHAT?!" Tweek asked, hands grabbing at his hair, pulling strands of blond up at the root.  "NO WAY, DUDE! AH! DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?"

 

"Of course not," Craig explained, pulling Tweek's head against his chest, running a hand through his hair.  "I just thought you were mad."

 

"I am," Tweek said, clutching Craig's arms.  "But not at you.  I just- I really fucking hate the French, Craig."

 

"I know, babe," Craig said.  He laughed again as pure relief coursed through him.  "You don't have to come this time, okay?  You stay here and Kenny and I will go."  He thought for a moment, Tweek's silky hair tangling in his fingers.  "Why do you think we need to go back, anyway?"

 

"I-I just keep seeing that room in my head," Tweek explained.  "There was a passage on the floor.  I didn't think about it at the time, but I bet it leads somewhere.  Somewhere important."

 

"Okay.  Well, Kenny is getting that book to translate Aramaic.  We can use that first.  If it doesn't work, some of us can go back.  But you don't have to."

  
"Thanks, Craig," Tweek sighed, wrapping his arms around Craig's waist.  Craig held onto him tightly, as tightly as he dared to keep Tweek from changing his mind and running away.  

 

By the time they got to Clyde's party, Craig was feeling better.  He still gripped Tweek's hand a little tighter than usual, and he caught himself glancing over to make sure Tweek was still there, but he felt a little high. All the relief flowed through his veins like heroin, making him grin from ear to ear.  Clyde opened the door, grinning broadly when he saw who it was.

 

"Well look who decided to make an appearance."

 

"Hey," Craig said, grinning back.  He lifted the bottle of Smirnoff's Butters had managed to sneak from under Mr. Garrison's old desk, the one the substitute avoided like it was contaminated.  "Thanks for having us."

 

"Come in," Clyde said, moving from the door and beckoning them in.  The party was already in full swing.  "Liquor in the front, poker in the rear, if you know what I mean."

 

Craig grinned.  Butters giggled.  A shrill female voice brought them back to the present.  "When are you going to get tired of that stupid joke, Clyde?" Annie, Clyde's new girlfriend straight out of Raisans, asked.  Craig frowned.  

 

"Hey Annie," Butters said.  "Have you guys seen Kenny  He said he'd be here."

 

"He's outside, I think," Clyde said, snaking an arm around Annie's tiny waist.  He pulled Craig aside, whispering into his ear.  "There really is poker in the back.  I'll try to get away later."

 

Craig saluted him, pulling Tweek to the kitchen.  He couldn't care less about the poker; the liquor on the other hand... He could use a drink.  Stan waved to him, pouring vodka into a red solo cup.   Craig waved back, letting Tweek make their drinks.

 

"Hey dude," Stan said, sloppy grin on his face.  "Have you seen Kyle?  He was acting kinda weird earlier."

 

"Just got here, man," Craig said.  He rubbed his forehead.  "What happened." 

 

"Well- Cartman brought Heidi," Stan said, taking a long swig from his cup of pure vodka.  Craig raised an eyebrow.   "Kyle went out to smoke with Kenny, but it's been like twenty minutes.  I'm getting worried."

 

"What about you?" Craig asked cautiously.  "Are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Stan said, taking an even longer drink.  "If Wendy wants to be a stupid gold-digging bitch and get back together with Token, that's her problem.  Not mine."

 

"Riight," Craig said, frowning.  Stan gave him a pained smile, then walked toward the living room.  Tweek handed him a cup, and he took a sip, grimacing.  Tweek always made the drinks too strong.  "Thanks, dude.  I think I'm going to find Kenny.  Smoke him down for once.  You going to be okay?"

 

"Yeah, sure," Tweek said, giving him a winning smile.  "I see Token over there with Jimmy.  I'll be fine."  And he probably would be with the drink in his hand, Craig thought.  Still he waited until he was sure Tweek was deep in conversation, comfortably chatting with Token and Jimmy before slipping outside.  As he shut the glass door behind him, he heaved a sigh of relief.  The cool night air blew against his face, and the music coming from the house was muffled.  Best of all, he smelt the distinctive smell of weed.  A group of people he couldn't make out cheered his name, and he trotted over, unable , once again, to keep the smile from his face.  

 

"Hey guys," he said, taking a seat next to Kenny, who pulled him into a side hug.  

 

"Craig! Dude, I've been waiting for you to get here.  Butters said he walked over with you."  Butters waved at him from Kenny's other side.

 

"Well, hey, Craig.  Glad you found us."

 

"Craiiiig," a voice called from the darkness.  Craig squinted, catching a flash of red hair.  

 

"Kyle?" he asked.

 

"Yeah, man, I am so happy you're here," Kyle said.  Craig took a long drink from his mostly jack jack and coke.  

 

"I brought weed," he said to Kenny, pulling out the eighth he'd managed to get.  "You got a grinder and everything?"

 

"Sure," Kenny said, taking the baggy from him.  He fussed with it, holding a pipe in his other hand.  Craig closed his eyes, breathing in the smoky air.

 

"How did you know about me and Cartman, Craig?"

 

Craig rolled his eyes.  "I don't know, dude.  You should be careful about who you tell."

 

"I only told Kenny," Kyle insisted, swaying from side to side.  "It was Cartman that went and told everyone."

 

"Okay," Craig said.  He took the pipe from Kenny, holding it gently to his lips before lighting it.  He inhaled deeply, blowing the smoke at Kenny.

 

"Hey, man," Kenny said.  "Don't be a buzz kill."  Craig passed the pipe to Kyle, who held it to his lips and inhaled, coughing halfway through.  Kyle passed the pipe to Butters, but he grinned and handed it back to Kenny.

 

"Mr. Mackey said that if I smoked any more marijuana, well I'd be in a lot of trouble, by golly."

 

"Butters, you've never in your life smoked marijuana," Kenny said.  He pulled Butters onto his lap as he took a hit, holding the smoke in for a moment before kissing Butters square on the lips..  Butters struggled for a moment before kissing him, pulling away to cough a puff of smoke into the air.  

 

"Well oh boy," Butters said laying his head on Kenny's shoulder.  "I feel all funny."  Craig took the pipe again, inhaling another hit.  

 

"Stan's looking for you," Craig said to Kyle.  "Sounded worried."

 

"Aw shit," Kyle said.  He rubbed his forehead.  "He thinks the whole Cartman thing is a way bigger deal than it is.  I better go talk to him."  He hurried off, hands in his pockets.  Kenny leaned against Craig, still stroking Butters.  He was a warm, comfortable weight on Craig's chest, and before even thinking about it, he slung an arm around Kenny's shoulder, letting the dizzy wave of drugs crash over him in the warm summer air.

 

“I’m going to go in too.  See if I can find Tweek.” Kenny and Butters were fumbling with their clothes before he even got into the house.  He shook his head, closing the door as quickly as he could.  He found Tweek talking to Wendy in the kitchen.

 

"Oh hi, Craig," Wendy said, her lips pursed.  "Seriously, Tweek, don't stop talking to me.  The second you do, Stan's going to corner me."

 

"We can talk to you," Tweek said, patting her arm reassuringly.  

 

Craig frowned.  "I think he's having a rough time."

 

"I  _know_  he's having a rough time.  But I can't be dragged there with him.  Not anymore."  She sighed, taking another sip of her water.  "I just can't do it anymore, you guys.  I'm sorry."

 

If Tweek was an alcoholic having a tough time drinking vodka from a solo cup, he would never abandon him.  He scowled, giving Tweek's ass a squeeze before heading back to the living room.  Cartman sat on the arm of the couch, glancing in annoyance at Heidi, who sat beside him chatting contentedly.  Craig avoided them,  instead sitting next to Token, who looked uncomfortable.

 

"Hey dude," he said.

 

"Oh hey, Craig," Token said with a tight smile.  "Man this place is falling apart since Mrs. Donovan died, huh?"

 

"I guess.  Clyde seems to have moved past it."

 

"I guess.  God, he just spends all his money on clothes to impress girls, I guess."

 

"I mean he seems to have enough luck."

 

"I just don't think it's cool, dude, to sleep around with a bunch of girls like that.  Did you hear about him and Nicole?"

 

"Yeah I heard they did it."

 

"They did, and now they don't even talk anymore.  God he's turning into such a douchebag."  Token turned up his nose, his face scrunching into a scowl.  Craig stared, nonplussed.  He was saved as Cartman approached them, Heidi clinging to his arm.

 

"Hey gahs, what's going on?" he asked, casually attempting to wipe Heidi off of his arm.  "Are we making fun of Kahl again?"  
  


"No," Token said, scowling.  Craig zoned out, watching them bicker for a moment before he felt a sharp tug on his elbow.  He turned to see a flushed Tweek staring t him, shifting from foot to foot.

 

"Come with me," Tweek said, grabbing him by the hand.  Craig let him lead him upstairs, to Clyde's bedroom.  Tweek locked the door and Craig stared up at him through a haze of weed and vodka.

 

"So... what's up, dude?" he asked.  Tweek let go of his hand.  Craig stared in a warm haze of horniness as Tweek tore his own clothes off, his hand reaching shakily towards his ass.  As Craig watched, mind struggling to comprehend what was happening, Tweek shoved  two fingers inside himself, thrusting them in and out with little moans. "Holy shit," Craig said, feeling himself harden.  He palmed himself through his pants, listening to Tweek's desperate moans.

 

"Fuck me, Craig, please- Ah! Need you.  Now."  Craig didn't get a chance to think; his body responded against his will, ripping his pants down to reveal his boner.  He smacked Tweek's ass twice, calming him down enough to pull his fingers from his ass.    He lined himself up, spitting on his hand and rubbing the liquid over the head of his cock.  He spat on Tweek's ass, gently rubbing the spit around Tweek's hole until his cock could slip inside.  He gasped at the resistacnce, gripping Tweek's hips as Tweek let out a yelp of pain.  He paused for a moment, letting the boy underneath him get used to the stretching sensation.  

 

"Do you want me to stop" he asked, not sure if he'd be able to stop himself.  

 

"N-no, Craig, please.  I need- AH! I need you to fuck me.  AH! Please, Craig, Please-"  Craig thrust harder into his boyfriend, letting out a guttural moan as Tweek's tight heat squeezed around him.  Beneath him, Tweek gasped- in pleasure or pain or both, Craig couldn't tell.  It didn't seem to matter, all that mattered was that Tweek keep making that noise, He slowly, forcefully kept thrusting as Tweek collapsed into a shivering heap on the bed.  Craig stopped again, uncertain.  "Don't stop," Tweek mumbled.  "Fuck-fuck, harder Craig, harder."

 

Craig needed no more encouragement.  He floated upwards, letting his high body take control.  Over and over he thrust his full girth into Tweek's tight, warm ass, gulping as the tightness began to overwhelm him.  "Fuck, Tweek," Craig panted, his thrusts growing faster, more insistent.  Tweek didn't reply aloud, he simply thrust his hips back into Craig, in time with each of Craig's thrusts.  "yYou really want it rough, huh, baby?"  His hand closed around Tweek's cock, hard and straining, rubbing against his belly.  Craig jerked it in time with his thrusts.  Tweek shook like he was in the Canadian wilderness, moaning brokenly as Craig started to lose control, each rut driving him closer to the edge.  He could feel his orgasm building, warm in his stomach, getting closer to his climax with every thrust.  

 

"Craig," Tweek gasped, reaching up to grab onto Craig's neck.  Craig bit Tweek's shoulder, partly to shut him up, partly because it felt just so good, so right.  Tweek let out a final strangled gasp, then his ass spasmed, forcing Craig's orgasm from him as he twitched and groaned.  Craig watched as Tweek's cock wildly twitched around, spraying thick white liquid all over the bed spread.  Craig closed his eyes, bucking into Tweek wildly, a stream of curses and wordless pleasure flowed from his mouth.  He thurst once, twice more, then grew still, shivering on top of Tweek's prone body.

 

"Where the fuck," Craig said, pausing to gasp for a moment.  "Did that come from, Tweek?"  
  


"Don't know," Tweek panted.  "Just- I really.  And I mean it, I really needed that.  Fuck, babe."

 

"Fuck," Craig said again, squeezing his eyes closed as his cock twitched again.  It took Craig a few minutes before he could move again.  Shuddering, he pulled himself from Tweek's ass, laying his cock against Tweek's back.  Tweek curled up against him, murmuring contentedly.  

 

"Fuck, Craig," Tweek mumbled, grinning and pushing himself closer to Craig, their skin touching from their chests to their feet.  "Fuck.  Thank you."

 

"Sure, baby," Craig said, feeling himself beginning to drift off.  Tweek's head landed beneath his chest, Tweek's sweet little twitches lulling him into a restless sleep.  When he woke, Tweek's warm body was still curled into a lump under him, and the world was growing lighter.  He could have gone back to sleep and rested forever if it wasn't for the insistent pounding on the door.  Craig sighed.  "What do you want?"

 

"You're not the only ones who want to use the bang room, Craig _._ You've been in there for like an hour."  Craig sighed, mouthing  _Kenny_ to Tweek.  They flipped off the door in unison.  "Don't flip me off, assholes, just get your fucking clothes on."

 

"Please hurry up, fellas," a muffled voice implored.  Groaning, Craig stood, pulling Tweek up with him.  They dressed quickly enough that Tweek missed at least three buttons on his shirt.  Craig hurried to open the door, afraid that Kenny would pound it down if he didn't work fast enough.  Kenny and Butters pushed past him, not bothering to shut the door as they began tearing at each others' cloths.  Craig shut the door and straightened Tweek's buttons.  He gave Tweek a last kiss, then grabbed his hand and walked them back to the party.


	7. Kyle

**Kyle**

Kyle smoked the third joint by himself on the lawn, trying not to glance back into the house.  A warm feeling setting in his stomach.  Nothing seemed to matter as much as it had an hour ago.  He could almost make peace with the fact that Cartman was in the living room snuggling up to Heidi.  He sighed, taking another hit and washing it down with his beer.  The warmth spread further.  He finished the joint with a hit so big he coughed for a solid minute.  He brushed himself off, glad no one else was outside.   He made his way to the kitchen, pouring himself a stronger drink.

 

"Hey Kyle," Wendy said, leaning against the counter with a beer in her hands.  

 

"Uh, hey- Wendy."  He scratched his head through his hat.  "I probably shouldn't be talking to you."

 

"I understand," she said, chin dropping to her chest.  "Just- I hope you know that I didn't mean to hurt him.  It just- it got to be too much.  You know?"

 

Kyle thought about Stan in middle school, how difficult it had been to deal with him.  He sighed.  "I understand, Wendy.  But Stan is my best friend.  I can't just go around taking to his ex."

 

"I know."  Wendy pushed her bangs from her face.  "Thanks, Kyle."  She left the kitchen, swaying from side to side.  Kyle watched her for a moment, trying to feel the warmth in his stomach again.  He sighed, pouring a generous amount of vodka into his redbull.  He chugged it, keeping a careful eye  on both doors to make sure no one saw him.  Then he poured himself a beer, leaned against the counter and took a sip.

 

"So are you like becoming Stan now?"  Kyle felt a jolt of electricity rush through his whole body.

 

"No," he said, forcing a scowl onto his face as he turned and looked at Cartman.  "I'm just letting loose for one night.  Is that so bad?"

 

"No, Kahl.  I guess it's not so bad."  Cartman stood in the doorway, making no move to get his own drink.  He merely stood in the doorway, his eyes looking through Kyle's clothes.  Kyle shivered.  "So what's your problem, Jew?  Why are you drinking like it's the last supper?'

 

"I don't have a problem, fatass," Kyle said, taking a long sip of his drink.  The warmth pushed up from his stomach to his mouth, and before he could stop himself, he blurted, "And you don't have to go around rubbing it in my face, alright?  I know you're in love with Heidi."

 

"You..."  Cartman stroked his chin, staring Kyle down.  "You're bothered by how I act with Heidi?  But why, Kahl?"

 

"I'm not bothered," Kyle lied.  "I just- why the fuck do you care, anyways?"

 

"Because, Kahl," Eric said, taking a step towards him. He lay a hand on Kyle's arm.   Disgusted with himself, Kyle shivered again.  "I told you if I was gay I'd totally be dating you instead of Heidi.  She's a total bitch."

 

"Then why are you with her, asshole?"

 

"Because our alliance with girls is the only way we have a chance at teraforming Mars.  You have to understand."  Cartman's hand moved slowly over Kyle's arm, lingering where his veins reached closest to the air.  He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing a scowl onto his lips.  When he opened his eyes, Cartman was inches away from him, for once wearing a serious expression.  "You have no idea how much you mean to me, Kahl.  It's not like that with Heidi.  I swear."

 

"Okay," Kyle said, forcing his gaze away.  He grabbed his beer and took another long pull.  "Just- just don't start another gender war, alright?"  
  


"As you know, I can't make any promises," Cartman said, grabbing a Blue Moon from a cooler on the counter.  "But I'll try.  I swear to you, I'll try."  Kyle followed him back to the living room, sitting beside Token on the couch.  Cartman sat beside him casually, and Kyle looked around the room out of habit.  Heidi was nowhere to be seen.  

 

"Hey, Token,' Kyle said.  Token looked up from his cup like a veteran looking away from his memories.  His mouth shifted slowly from a grimace to a smile.  "You okay, dude?"  
  


"Token's fine.  He's just got some sand up his vagina cus his ex slept with Clyde."  

 

"Oh.  Sorry, man."  Token sighed, swirling the liquid around in his cup.

 

"It's okay.  I just wish she hadn't fucked one of my friends.  I mean how am I supposed to take her back now?"

 

"You're not," Cartman said seriously, leaning towards Token and casually laying a hand across Kyle's knee.  "Token, it is time for you to take a stand and grow some balls.  If a woman ever did that to me, I'd be like, 'Hey.  Get your fat ass back in the kitchen or I'll kick ya in the nuts.'  You just gotta be real firm with her, man.  Don't let that dog off the leash."

 

"Heey baby," a sweet voice said above them.  Kyle jumped, nearly throwing Cartman's hand away from him when he realized who it was.  Cartman's face clouded over.

 

"Oh hey, baby, what's going on," he said.  She sat beside him, pushing Cartman's whole side up against Kyle's.  Kyle felt a shudder run through him, partly due to the drugs and alcohol, but mostly the warm body pressing into him.  He thought he could feel every muscle in Cartman's arm, every detail of his thigh.  He felt himself growing hard, and stupidly repositioned his cup to hide it, face glowing red.  "You okay, Jew?"  Cartman asked with a knowing grin.  "You look like you just got struck by lightning."

 

"I-I'm fine," Kyle said.  "I just need to go check on something."  He sprang from the couch, hurrying toward the bathroom with his cup obviously covering his hard-on.  He stumbled inside, managing to shut the door behind him before he pulled out his dick and stared at it accusingly through his twisted haze.  The door opened a crack, then shut again and he was face to face with Eric Cartman, his half-hard cock still in his hands.

 

"Well, well, well," Cartman said, betraying no emotion.  "Looks like you''ve been caught  _red handed,_ Kahl _."_ Kyle stared at him blankly.  "Geddit?  Because your pubes are red?"

 

Kyle grinned despite himself.  "That's not funny, Cartman."

 

"I didn't come in here to be funny."  They stared at each other for a long moment.  And then Kyle broke free of all restraint, throwing himself at Cartman with everything he had.  Cartman stumbled backward, hitting the door with a loud thud, but Kyle didn't care.  His hands wrapped around Cartman's neck, pulling them close together.  Their mouths met hungrily, their chests rubbed against one another.  Cartman's hands fumbled with his shirt, and Kyle broke the embrace to help.  They pulled their clothes off, giggling and shushing one another when they got too loud.

 

"I don't have any lube,' Kyle whispered as Cartman stroked his chest, leaving a line of goosebumps behind him.  

 

"We can do other stuff," Cartman assured him.  

 

'Do you-" Kyle broke off, suddenly embarrassed.  "Do you still want to suck my cock?"

 

Cartman grinned his most contagious smile.  "Of course.  There's just one little thing you need to do first."

 

"What?"

 

"Suck my balls, Kahl."  Kyle burst out laughing, and Cartman put a hand over his mouth.  Someone knocked at the door.

 

"Everything okay in there?" a muffled voice asked.

 

"Uh- yeah," Cartman called.  "I just ate some Chipotle for lunch, sorry."  They stifled giggles, waiting until the person walked away.  Kyle met Cartman's eyes, pulling the hand on his mouth away.  He knelt on the bathroom floor in front of the man whose balls he'd sworn never to suck.  Then he licked one tentatively.  He couldn't look up- he didn't dare.  Cartman was probably laughing at him.  But he licked it again, feeling the rough skin, the slightly salty taste.  He gently pushed it into his mouth and sucked on it, eliciting a moan from Cartman.  Gingerly, he lifted the other with his hand.  There was no way he could fit both into his mouth at once, was there?  He wasn't brave enough to try.  He released the first one and took the other in his mouth, feeling his cock growing harder, pressing up against his stomach.  He alternated, savoring each moan that escaped Cartman.  One hand helped his mouth while the other reached up to stroke Cartman's thick cock.  

 

Finally he let himself look up.  Cartman was staring at him, but he wasn't laughing.  His face was a mask of lust and need so intense- Kyle felt the strangest impulse to get on his hands and knees and let Cartman fuck him.  Instead, he redoubled his efforts, stroking Eric in time with his sucking.  Cartman moaned, low from the back of his throat, and on instinct, Kyle moved his lips to the tip of Eric's cock, flicking the head with his tongue until he felt something warm and salty spilling down his throat. Cartman sighed and slid to the floor, throwing a sleepy arm around Kyle as he leaned against the wall.  Kyle leaned into him.  It was amazing how solid Cartman was- how warm.  He let himself close his eyes just for a moment, but someone pounded on the door again.

 

'Cartman, there's a line waiting for you.  You need to hurry up," a girl called.

 

"I-I know," Cartman said, rolling his eyes at Kyle.  "I'm so sorry, I just- I ate too much queso, you know?  Look- there's a bathroom upstairs."  A loud sigh reverberated through the room, then the girl was gone.  "Stand up, Kahl, we'd better be fast."  Kyle stood, leaning his ass against the sink.  Warm lips closed over his hard member and Kyle let out a moan before he could stop himself.  He clapped a hand over his mouth and watched Cartman deepthroat his cock.  He felt like his member was immersed in warm tightness, drawing pleasure from every inch of his body.  How had he not let Cartman do this before?  He was amazing at it.  Cartman met Kyle's eyes, then took all of Kyle's length into his mouth.  Kyle felt his tongue lapping a line down his shaft, sucking on the head of his cock when Eric pulled back again.  Kyle began to rock gently into Cartman's mouth, knowing he was close.  His eyes squeezed shut and he gasped as his climax hit him.  He grabbed the back of Eric's head and pushed it forward, cumming deep down Eric's throat.  He didn't pull out until Eric gagged.  

 

"Well- wow," Kyle said, unable to remember any other words.

 

"I've been telling you to let me suck your cock, Kahl," Cartman said matter of factly, reaching for his jeans.  "Now come on, get dressed or Wendy's gunna knock down the door."

 

 


	8. Kenny

**Kenny**

"I'm not crazy, right?" Craig asked, his voice tinged with worry.  "Like there is a weird-ass creature on front of us.  RIght now.  On the street."

 

Kenny nodded.  "Yeah, dude.  That's the same one you made friends with the other day."  They gaped at the thing in front of them, a fluffy pink elephant that was gazing at them with huge baleful eyes.  "Uh, hey big guy," he said to the elephant.  It lifted its trunk, though Kenny couldn't tell if it were a coincidence.  "What're you doing here?"

 

They both stared at the creature.  It didn't reply.  "I don't think it speaks English,," Craig said helpfully.  Kenny shot him a look.

 

"What do we do about it?" Kenny asked.  "You know South Park- our parents are going to freak out."

 

"He's not hurting anybody," Craig said.  "And not many people have seen him.  Should we leave him alone?"

 

Kenny shook his head.  He struggled to put his thoughts into words for a moment.  "I just have a bad feeling about it.  Like it's a sign something else is coming.  I think we need to get it out of here."

 

Craig nodded reluctantly.  "We can't keep it at my house.  My parents will freak out."

 

"We can tie it outside at my house," Kenny said.  "What do you think it eats?"

 

"People," Craig guessed.

 

"God I barely make enough to feed my family.  How am I supposed to feed a giant people eater?"  The fluffy giant creature waved its trunk at them, then ambled off down the road.  "Wait!" Kenny yelled.  They chased it down the street.  Kenny still felt high.  They'd left the party, what, twenty minutes ago?  And now they were in a different world.  The elephant turned the corner and ambled off, disappearing before they could even get close to catching it.  Kenny swore loudly.

 

"Oh well," Craig said.  They stared into the empty night.  "Look we can come up with a plan tomorrow.  But it's two a.m.  I need to sleep.  We both do."

 

"Okay," Kenny said.  He trudged home, depositing the baggie of collected snacks from the party beside Karen's bed.  He passed out with his shoes still on.  
  


~~

 

Kenny woke to the sound of his parents arguing in the kitchen.  He groaned, pulling a pillow over his head.  He wasn't hungover, at least.  There was that.  There were benefits to preferring weed, but he was still exhausted.  He stretched and ambled slowly into the kitchen.  He poured himself a bowl of cereal.

 

"And if you got your lazy ass a job, we wouldn't be having these problems, would we?"

 

"Well maybe if you got your bitch ass out of the house and made some friends, we'd have what we need right now!"  They were out of milk.  He applied Craig's favorite finger to the fridge.  "I'm telling you, there's no jobs here."

 

Kenny sat beside Karen on the couch, trying to ignore his idiotic parents.  Karen looked at him with her nervous smile, nibbling on a gummy worm.  

 

"Hey Kenny.  How was the party?"

 

"It was okay," he said, grinning at the memory of Butters practically melting at his touch.  "How was being a square?  Did you finish your book?"

 

"I hated the ending," She said, her face wrinkling.  "They shocked the life out of him, then Chief held a pillow over his mouth until he stopped breathing."

 

"What the fuck kind of books are they making you read these days?" Kenny asked, his nose wrinkling.  Her tentative smile flickered as something crashed in the other room, and both of their parents stepped into the living room.  Kenny shoveled his dry cereal into his mouth as quickly as he could, half afraid that his father would make a grab for it.

 

"Morning, Ken," his father said, rubbing a bruise beneath his left cheek.  "Good of you to finally join us in the land of the living."

 

Kenny had the fleeting urge to flip him off.  He'd been talking to Craig too much.  "Morning, dad," he said between bites.

 

"We were wondering if any of your little friends had loaned you money lately," Carol said, wringing her hands together.

 

Kenny looked steadily into his bowl.  "Nope, sorry.  I don't have any money right now."

 

"Me either," Karen said softly.  Kenny looked for warning signs.  His father's were easy to spot.  His jaw would go hard, vein in his neck beginning to protrude, and his eyes would grow dull, almost like the angrier he was the stupider he was.  Carol, though, she was hard to read.  But at least she never hit Karen.  Neither of them showed the danger signs this morning, though.  They had circles under their blood-shot eyes, and they moved in quick quivery steps, but they probably wouldn't go off the rails and start tearing Kenny's room apart.  He thanked any god listening that he'd already put his paycheck into his bank account.  

 

"Well if you find anything, be sure to bring it straight to us, alright?"

 

"Sure," Kenny said.  He washed his bowl to the sound of bickering.  Karen softly disappeared, hopefully out of the house, but probably only to her room.  He pulled his shoes on and slipped out the door, making his way down to City Wok on his bike.  Mr. Kim grinned at him as he put his apron on, just in time for the lunch rush.

 

"I was worried you weren't coming, Dennis," he said, shaking a wok full of City chicken.  "You not usually late."

 

"Sorry," Kenny said.  He grabbed his broom and started sweeping away the remnants of the previous night.  Craig came in a few hours later and sat at a table near the back of the restaurant.  Kenny made his way over as surreptitiously as he could manage.  "Hey, Craig."

 

"What are we going to do about the-" he looked around, lowering his voice.  "The elephant thing?"

 

"i guess we should try to- catch it?  But we don't know anything about it.  Maybe we should check the Necronomicon."  Kenny glanced at Mr. Kim, who didn't seem to care he was doing more talking than working.  "I got the book on Aramaic, so if my parents haven't sold it for meth yet we could check the original."

 

"Okay," Craig said.  He rubbed his head, sighing.  "Tweek thinks we should go back to Paris."

 

"Tweek hates Paris," Kenny said.

 

"I know.  He thinks we missed something in the catacombs."  Kenny frowned, sweeping a piece of wonton from under Craig's table.

 

"And he thinks that's why the elephant is here?"

 

"Well why do you think it's here?"

 

"I mean.  We live in South Park.  Lots of weird shit ends up here."  Craig nodded.  "I'll check the Necronomicon with the Goth kids tomorrow.  Until then- keep an eye out?"

 

"Sure," Craig said.  He stood, dusted off his pants and headed for the door.

 

"Hey, you not gunna order anyfing?" Mr. Kim yelled.  "You can't a just sit there and not orda."  Craig flipped him off and exited.

 

 

Kenny made his way to the Brovlovski's after work, combing his hair back and putting on his most winning smile.  When he was satisfied with his reflection in the window, he rang the doorbell.  There was a scuffle from inside the house, and the door opened to reveal a disheveled looking Kyle, whose shirt hung open, revealing his stomach. 

 

"Oh, hey, dude," Kyle said, relief covering his face.  "What's up?"

 

"Is your dad home?"

 

"Yeah, he's upstairs.  Want me to get him?"  Kenny nodded, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.  He saw Cartman, whose shirt was on inside out, and sat next to him on the couch, smirking.

 

"Hey, Cartman.  Where's Heidi?"

 

"Oh, you never know with her," Cartman said, running a hand through his hair.  "Probably off getting ready for something."

 

"So how's the Kyle thing going?"  For half a second, Cartman looked uncomfortable.  Then he smirked, for all appearances careless.

 

"Oh ya know.  He's alright, most of the time.  He wants me to break up with Heidi to be his gay lover, though.  I told him, 'Kahl, I'm straight.  And I respect your gay little fantasies.  But as annoying and bitchy as Heidi is, at least she's a woman.'  Jews, sometimes, man."

 

Kenny giggled, stopping abruptly as Mr. Brovlovski and Kyle traipsed back down the stairs.  He smoothed his hair back once more, suddenly extremely nervous.

 

"Hi Kenny,' Kyle's dad said.  "Kyle said you wanted to talk to me."

 

"Er- yeah,' Kenny said, suddenly very aware of his friends' eyes on him.  "Can we go outside"

 

"Sure," Gerald said, raising an eyebrow. He held the door open for Kenny, and they stood on the porch for a moment, awkwardly staring at each other.  "So how can I help you, bud?"

 

"I was wondering what you could tell me about legal emancipation," Kenny said, the words rushing out of his mouth so fast that it was a wonder Gerald understood him at all, but he seemed to.

 

"Emancipation, huh?  In Colorado it's not an easy process."  Gerald scratched his chin.  "Colorado doesn't actually have a specific statue for the emancipation of minors.  But in some cases, if the situation can be shown to be toxic enough, a child might be emancipated.  Why are you interested?"  
  
  


"You won't tell my dad will you?"  Gerald frowned.

 

"Of course not.  But emancipation is a big deal.  You have to be sure you really want to do it.  The process is long- And you've got to keep in mind that your relationship with your parents might be permanently ruined.  Do you have a way to support yourself?"

 

"I work part time at City Wok whenever I can."

 

"And you still live with your parents?  What kind of savings do you have?"

 

"Well I had quite a bit, but winter wiped out some of it.  I've still got about ten grand."

 

"That's a good start," Gerald said.  "But if you want to have a strong case for emancipation, you'll want to move out.  And if you can get at least one of your parents to agree to emancipation, the whole process should go pretty smoothly.  I'd be happy to represent you, pro bono."

 

"Thanks, Mr. Brovlovski," he said, trying to commit every detail to memory.  "So if I move out I have a shot."

 

"And you might want to consider finding a higher paying job.  One that's on the books.  The courts like to see that."

 

"Okay," Kenny said, nodding.  "I can do that.  Could my sister live with me?"

 

"As long as your parents allow it, that should be fine," Gerald said. 

 

"I was thinking of getting my GED too, Do you know what that process is like?"

 

"How old are you, Ken?"

 

"Seventeen since March."

 

"Ah," Gerald said, worry lines smoothing into a smile.  "Well that's great.  You should be able to take the GED this summer, if you want.  They're worth as much as a high school degree these days, and you'll be able to finish school a year early.  I can find the details for you."

 

"Thank you," Kenny said.  "Why are you helping me?"

 

Gerald's face grew pink.  "You've always been a good friend to Kyle, and to be honest I have to do pro bono work every year anyway.  I'd rather help someone I know."

 

"Thanks again," Kenny said, on impulse reaching out to shake Mr. Brovlovski's hand.  "You've been a huge help."

 

"Sure," Gerald said, face growing even redder.  "Hey, why don't you come in?  Kyle and Cartman are hanging out in there and I'm sure they'd love company."  Kenny giggled before he could stop himself, them composed his face to look less suspicious.

 

"Yeah, actually, there's nothing I'd like better," he said wickedly.

  
  



End file.
